The death of my cell phone service...
I am officially pissed off. It takes quite a deal mind you, to get me into a pissed off state, but a certain phone company has successfully driven me to that point. For the sake of this blog, let's just say that the name of said company rhymes with "Flint". So it all started about a month ago, March 11th to be exact... I get one of those dreaded text messages that say "You are over your limit, to avoid service interruption, please call..." Of course I get this message at some un-godly hour in the morning, which only adds to my frustration. In efforts to see how much I actually owe Flint, I search around the house for my phone bill. I hardly ever get mail that comes to my home address, and if I do I loose it within minutes of receiving it. No suprise to me, I can't find it. I then proceed to call the automated line, to get the exact amount that I owe. I was devastated at the number, yet at the same time kind of proud of myself... I, Frank Bell, had all alone somehow racked up all those minutes. Within my rage was an odd air of accomplishment, and I sat on the absurd Flint bill for a few days. Eventually the "mystical mysteriousness" of not being able to be reached started to piss off the friends and family so i caved in... Lucky for me, I was able pay the bill and restore my service once again.
This is where I get vulgar. Flint can kiss my ass for all I care... About 2 weeks after I paid the bill, I get ANOTHER text message saying that I owe them $300... How the hell can someone rack up $300 worth of stuff on their cell phone bill in 2 weeks???? 14 days!!! (I'm good at math...). Flint thought they had themselves a sucker and suck is what they planned to do - suck all my earnings away in the name of technological wireless communication. Well I'll be the first to tell you that Flint SUCKS! The only reason that I have them in the first place is because most of my family has them, and I get free Flint to Flint...not worth it apparently. So after 24hours of trying to talk to an actual person on the phone (everything is automated these days), I finally talk to someone and get them to admit that it was THEIR mistake. They turned my service back on, and all was dandy.
Yesterday, my service was cut off... This is the last straw. I refused to be made into a lollipop... I see a switch to services in the near future. T-Mobile. Verizon. Cingular. hehe, I feel fine saying those company names, in hopes that the slim chance someone from the company sees it and gives me a free phone. Maybe someday haha... I'll be one of those celebrity walking advertisements. I'll be interviewed on Leno, and get a phone call from my buddy Deric...
Leno: So Frank, I had the pleasure of seeing your latest film, and I must say, that your performance was absolutely amazing. How was it working with Martin Scorsese?
Me: Well Jay, I've gotta tell ya...
This is when my cellular phone starts ringing... The ringer tone will no doubtedly be whatever the No.1 pop song is on the charts at the time... Probably something by Brittney Spears' daughter...
Me: Oppps, sorry Jay, my new Samsung T1000 is ringing. And look at that!!! I've got full bars of service! I'm gonna have to take it...
Leno: *bewildered*
Me: (on phone) YOOOO D-RIZOCKKKKKK! What it be mang?!
This is when the audience hears only one side (my side) of the conversation. It's chock full of clever verbal product placement, and sly but tasteful advertisements. I am never invited back on the Leno show, but my movie wins an Oscar that year...
I mean who doesn't like free stuff?? Just for the record, if anyone in a decision making position of a major company happens to run across this blog. I'm not on Leno yet, but...I love any phone company that isn't "Flint", I love Ferrari's, I love any sort of brand new laptop. I love Martin Margiela and Alexander McQueen suits. I love cheese. I also love Ellen Degeneres, and Sienna Miller. Ehh, although I guess it might not work with actual people...
Wow, I am smelling the most amazing aroma of baked German Chocolate Cake right now... Sunday is my Grandma's birthday ya see, and it's her favorite. Shite, it was supposed to be a surprise... Ah, it's not like grandmothers read internet blogs anyway...
I've typed to much already. I hate my current cellphone service provider. I think you get the point... Sorry if you got this far... this entry was pretty damn long... I suppose I shouldn't have even posted it. You guys will think I have no life and have entirely wayyyyy too much time on my hands. But hey, remember? Supposedly my nights and weekends are free...
Can you hear me now?
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Bell. All rights reserved.
11:42 PM